DON'T LET ANGER TO EXPLODE

It is but natural to get angry to release the conflicting emotion and to relax the senses. But getting angry with damaging intention has its price. Anger can be managed if you desire to control our outburst. The degree of anger depends on the degree of its cause. A mild irritation to someone may become and intense fury if not handled properly. If the fury turns into rage, no one listens to good reason. What is in the mind is the chance to retaliate and payback no matter what it pays. He acted suicidal in order to have greater advantage. This is how intense this feeling the emotion to fight back.

Anger is the natural response to certain situation when our lives are threatened or someone wronged us and we are seeking justice. It may also due to physical or emotional abuse. It may also be to our deepest frustration that our needs, goals and desires are not meet as expected. We longed too much but we failed. The failure runs out the patience within us. Once it explodes, we don’t care anymore.

Too much abuse physically and morally, put us to hate someone to the deepest recesses of our soul. It imprinted and it can’t be taken easily. It just waiting there to make life like hell. Once anger control us completely we act impulsive, aggressive and violent.

The anger that is boiling inside put too much strain to our body and mind. The intensity of the emotion is very extreme. The blood pressure goes high as the heart beats so fast and it dimmed the senses. As anger is put to the test, our aggressiveness cause harm to those that wronged us.

Too much anger stressed the body. It is the beginning of many health conditions. Anger increases blood pressure. It causes heart disease. There is abnormal rhythm of the heart. The immune system was affected. It can no longer effectively battle infection. There is laxity of control. Cough, cold and flu were common as the defenses had been breached and the infection spreads.

Controlling anger means controlling disease. If anger is not controlled, many undesirable consequences will happen. Using physical force or violence may in conflict with the law. If the situation reaches to extreme, he may be arrested and jailed. If his enemy survives, he may retaliate and chances that he may be injured or even death itself if he can’t protect himself.

Anger is learned behavior. Outburst is the result of unavoidable circumstances arising from verbal or physical abuse. It may also be due to threat to life. We can be angry even without being aggressive.

Children alienate their feeling to their parents because they are very strict to them. Any minor infraction makes their parents to get mad abusing them verbally or physically. Parents can’t control their anger. They did not understand how anger affects their personal behavior, the better relationship in the family, the harmony and peace in the home. The children developed feeling of dislike, frustration, fear and hatred against them of their incapacity to protect their welfare instead of giving them hell. The concept of expressing love to the children was wasted.

Instituting correct discipline need no physical and emotional harm. It can be done in constructive setting without jeopardizing better relationship with the children. It is important for parents or anyone to break the habit of emotional outburst. They have to control their habit to dominate instituting physical harm and mental torture.

We have to change our perception how anger can do harm to us emotionally. But there are ways to minimize emotional outburst or put total stop before it’s too late.

If something is boiling inside, try to relax. Make deep breath to release the tension and calm down the nerves. Always stay in control of any emotional lapses before it escalate. Involve physically. Enter into physical activity to disrupt developing emotion to erupt.

Involve in mental exercise. Select a hobby where mental power can be utilize to the maximum. Be open to changes. Let the feeling not to go to negative side otherwise you can nol longer reign your behavior to explode.

Develop positive thoughts and spend your time in more productive endeavor rather than spending time to hate. Learn how to listen. Give him time to defend so you will know the true cause of the conflict.

Don’t excavate the past. It may only add insult to injury. Leave the past behind and face the present situation and make solution to prevent your emotion to waylaid.

Focus the true reason of the conflict. No need to add another to confuse and increase the risk of the conflict. Avoid hitting your enemy below the belt away from the real issue. Speak with calm voice. Two higher voices will mean trouble.

If the situation gets worse stay out from the flame away from the battle and review your position. Don’t always argue to simple things not so important as not to expand the issue. Be sure to know what you are hearing is correct to avoid misinformation that will lead to quarrel not worthy to pursue.

Conduct a self-check. If you are angry, your heart beats fast. There is muscle tension to portion of your body when it contract. There is adrenaline rush to defend and fight back. There is change in the color of the face as checks reddened and pale. You are using abusive language and unnecessary remakes not worthy to hear.

Avoid accusing anyone of wrongdoing if you are not sure what you are talking. Don’t take hard sand cold stare to anyone as if you want to biter him.

Slamming the door is a sign of anger you need not to pursue. Don’t always criticize others inefficiency and lapses. Misunderstanding starts from useless and unwarranted remarks.

Anger is common to us. There may be good side for some of us for release but most of it leads to something difficult to handle. The control of anger lies on your ability to listen to the positive side it brings.  If you let your emotion to control you, you can no longer think better and reasonable. Everything will be out of your hands. If you want to do these, then be ready to face to whatever the prize of your outburst.

HOW TO HANDLE FAILED RELATIONSHIP

Failed relationship is one of the menaces of social structure. It has been known that there was an increase in the percentage of failed relationship in modern society. Even the known personalities of the world did not escape from the pen of media people writing the cause of their break-up. It has been the hot topic in many magazines and even sensationalized it to be noticed.

Men were the actor of most failed marriages. If there was a 3^rd party involved in a relationship, hell breaks loose. This is the starting point of repeated quarrel between husbands and wives. This is the beginning of sour relationship that mostly led to marital breakdown.

Even young adults at the first place of their relationship still threatened for a break-up if one of them done something that will breach close understanding. Most women were affected of the immoral values of men. Their children suffered from their separation. Increased juvenile delinquent children came from this level due to laxity in supervising their growth years. They became the problem of the community on how to bring the problematic children to reform their unwelcome behavior.

If it happened that you are one of those unfortunate few of having failed relationship, how do you handle them?

Your heart was so deep draining your energy to the lowest ladder. There was emptiness within you as if there is heaviness in the chest. You don’t want to talk to anybody. You wanted to be alone in your solitary room thinking the pain and discouragement that the sweetness of togetherness you felt before with your partner was replaced with hate and anger.

Your goodness was abused and disregarded your feeling. It took you a long time to be able to recover from your pain. It started to make your stronger to handle your feelings. Your experience give you time to think more deeply before looking for another relationship. It motivated you to be careful in choosing your mate. It improved yourself how to handle your feeling in case of another break-up.

In choosing your mate, have a clear vision. Consider everything you need to know about him. Bear in mind, there’s no perfect marriage if one of you has no desire to prolong the relationship, only those that has highest regard to respect and be honest. Know what you want and what to expect from him. He may be honest at first but how long? Consider all those expectation. Don’t give all your trust to him, reserve something for you. If he gives you heartache at least you are prepared for the worst. Don’t just sit on the corner defend what is right for you. 

 To feel affected miserably will only ruin you. He just laughed at you. Instead go on with your life. Show to him that you live happy without him. It may be hard at first but there’s nothing you can do instead accept the reality that you are not meant to each other. Pick-up yourself and kick-out all those frustration and you will know later that you are right in your decision of forgetting him slowly in your memory.

If you already failed twice it might not be the 3^rd. Don’t close your option to love again. Seek your happiness, who knows it may be your last.

Another way of handling your frustration is to find ways to distract you from your loneliness. Socialize and be with your friends. You may have to add another friend in your list. Work harder and finish whatever commitment is hanging. Focus your attention from your emotional burden.

If you believed you can’t handle your pain, seek counseling to some expert. It may help your mind to relax and at peace. Increase your self-confidence to be higher to make you strong from your frustration and discouragement. Improve your spiritual outlook to a better, healthy mental and emotional balance so that the emotional pressure can be minimized.

Any disturbing emotion you feel should be taken away from your heart. Avoid building negative feelings instead focus to a more constructive endeavor. Don’t allow yourself to be slave to your emotion. Find your happiness and leave all those painful memories away from you.

DESTRUCTIVE-TYPE OF BEAVIOR

There are people that have no reservation in talking or commenting what’s in their mind even if it is destructive to one’s own feeling. Once he opened his mouth, it causes trouble. He doesn’t hesitate to say what he had seen, what things he don’t like. Without respecting the privacy of others, many of them expresses their distaste and easily irritated of minding other personal affairs.

Being talkative, he captured the attention of those in a group. He was good actor giving opinion as if he knew everything. He easily criticized any action, a sour in his eyes and a pain in his ears. He had lesser friends but many enemies. He doesn’t care if it severed a relationship. What is important to him is that what he has to say to something even it hurts somebody’s feeling.

He had his positive side. He can get the attention of others because he knew how to win their trust. He spoke humorous punch line, witty jokes. He talked something that do not make sense just to seek their attention and entertain them.

He had active and lively happy life. He was friendly or outspoken. But other people found him irritable and some found him very accommodating. He knew how to place himself among them even if he knew them only briefly. He can manage new friendship with confidence clipping his shyness and talked to them without fear. The people around enjoyed his company of being good conversationalist. But beware, if he don’t like, he felt irritated and angry. That is not the best part of his character. He can easily loss a friend and destroy the lively atmosphere.

He had creative imagination. He can easily formulate something of importance, give comfort for their advantage. His view is a manner of interest, clear and understandable to comprehend. His creativeness put him to explore new things of value. His inventive attitude can easily find fresh ideas most useful to everyone.

If given a new task, he kept his interest alive. His innovation makes other people impressed of his ideas and applications. The way he handled the feelings of others was inconclusive. Sometimes he was willing to listen, sometimes he showed his destructive nature and unwarranted criticism. He easily noticed flaws of others but has no idea to know his own flaws. He will not push the issue if caught between the lines.

He showed impulsiveness in his behavior.  He had his weakness when it comes to decision making. He was weak and careless. He made impulsive decision that are irrational without bearing to the solution of the problem especially if he was pressured and don’t know what to do. His creativeness and imagination only confined to isolated cases. But his greatest lapses were how to make right decision. He liked a worry-free situation, less effort activity. He panicked if it gives him stress of his inability to handle them.

He was very interested in doing new things but later on his interest waned. Instead of striving for the best, he settled the less because of his loss of interest.

He was fond of doing silly things without purpose, without good intention to make a scene and to entertain. There has no rationalism in such wasted act that has no purpose at all. He was careless by making immediate conclusion without knowing first the true fact, an irresponsible action that most often irritate people. He made generalization of his comments with no excuses or exceptions to those that are good and different because of his failure to know the details first before talking too much. By not paying attention to details, may end in lapses of behavior.

He loved to be acknowledged and recognized his strength and his helpful contribution. He was egoistic, loving himself more. He was not protective or doesn’t care in handling the sensitivity of other people. He violated their ego, but if his ego is touched severely, it pained him deeply. He was too emotional, touchy with erratic mood that controls his good sanity.

BEING A GRANDFATHER

During the day when you were raising your children the first day they were born until the time they begin walking their feet to the ground. You asked yourself what will be the future of this children when they grow up to become parents and have their own children. You have worries and doubts. Can their parenting is more effective for the children to be obedient to their parents?

Being a grandfather is a wonderful experience as you saw those cute little kids in your lap, holding, playing, running around you. You happiness was too overflowed thinking that your own children already grown up with their family and kids that were now in your lap. Your children were already successful in their career. You felt your triumph that all your sacrifices to raise them before it paid off. You can see in your own children obedience, respect, honesty, good virtue that you instituted to them to grow under your own kind of discipline. They settled down and became parents like you. You were contented seeing them as good parents to their children. You concluded that good parenting always has good children.

How about those who are still started having a grandchild. What will be their preparation as a grandparents?

-During the schedule visit of your son and his family, cancel all your appointment or any activities during the day and focus your attention in preparing for your grandson's arrival.

-When your grandson arrived, you were excited. You hold him tight, cuddled him using all your avenues to let him recognize you. First meeting was the hardest for you when your grandchild iwasnot yet familiar with your face. But repeated visit can put your grandson at ease and willing to be held and cuddled.

-Don't approach your grandson immediately. Just look at him and smile to develop confidence to you maybe a few hours you have to start approaching him. If he will respond, then hold him.

-Put him in your lap and show him your picture with your children and let him identify his parents and you. This is to established communication to your grandson.

-Playing is one of the effective way to put the child at ease. Play him a game he like and enjoy time with him.

-If you have a house pet like dog or cat, the more the child is interested and enjoy his visit. To continue an intimate relationship with your grandson, show him that you care and love him. In a matter of days there will be an improvement when your grandson started looking at you and approach you on his own.

CAN YOU HELP CHILD BOREDOM?

I have known a child in our place who always sickly and get tired sitting in the bench looking around just staring there, his mind wandering somewhere. He will not talk to anybody of his age. He always alone. When someone ask him, seldom he talk and just nod.

His parents were both working. The demand of their job cause inability to communicate with their child. Their older daughter was the one taking care of him. The scenario of this child is only one among the many children similar to what happened to the child I had just mentioned. His behavior has relation to the way parents raised him as a child. A child is always craving attention from their parents in the early years of his life. This is the most critical period for child development where utmost attention is needed.

The attention he seek is seldom given by his parents because they do not understand the way to deal with their child's feeling and expectation. This inattentiveness in the part of the parents can affect child's behavior developing in his mind the ill-feeling about the way they are treating him.

A child is very observant and meticulous. If his parents cannot see him, he became irritable believing that his parents did not love him. This is a very delicate behavior that parents should look and see. If parents continue to ignore child's small craving for attention it may lead to a problem later. This negative feeling will develop into a full blown misbehavior that parents can not allow.

What is lacking in this situation is communication. If parents and a child are communicative to each other, there will be harmony and better atmosphere at home where the child and his parents are talking and sharing laughter in their moment of joy and wonderful togetherness. It is not the reason for parents to make an excuse about their job. They have a lot of time to do this after work.
Child's relationship to his parents will depend on how parents are rearing their child. Good direction is involved here, to a relationship that if not handled with great care can lead to a problem later on.

During the time when parents are at home, why not let a child participate in their daily chores. Why not assign to him a certain task that he can do and become his everyday routine. This is helpful to him to develop a sense of responsibility to remove his boredom and be more productive. This will serve as his training and at the same time sharing a moment for both of them to develop a closer relationship and better understanding beneficial to the child.