THE ART OF GIVING

Do you remember once in your lifetime that you have done a righteous thing by way of giving? Do you remember the phrase, "It is better to give than to receive." Some of us did it differently. They give a little and wanted to receive more. They liked to own all of it and share less or not at all and that's greediness. They were only thinking of their own self-interest. It was hard for them to give even the excess of what they have in life.

But there are others who have a soft heart for the needy. They are willing to give even if it is only enough for their family. To those who have no desire to give did not fully understand that wealth is only a temporary material things they cannot hold forever. When they are gone, even a piece of paper they cannot bring it to their grave. Not even the wealth helps to put their life back when it is time to go for good.

Being a Samaritan is a behavior by heart. There was a wonderful feeling by just giving. It gives you pleasure. You cannot think of other things except what was in your mind is how you can help them in a simple way. This strange behavior only found in a privilege few. They were happy to give any little help for the benefit of others.

I know a friend whose life was hanging in a balance. He earned a little in his on and off job as carpenter. He had a family of three to support yet if someone asked him for help especially in emergencies he is willing to give. He helped him a little to share as a sign of concern, understanding and pity. I asked him why? He said it was already his habit to give. He believed there are still many people out there like him who has the same intention to help other people. He said he was more happy if those rich people can do the same. I was touched by his art of giving. Sometimes I felt guilty of not doing what he did. I now realized that those people who were gifted to give has less in life and also has their own suffering and problem to attend. He said he may not be rewarded today what good thing he had done to the lives of other men. But in the next life, he may be recognized for what he shared to others and that was already a blessing for him.

YOUR CHANCE TO BE HAPPY

Happiness is a feeling of contentment. This satisfaction was there inside you. Your mood changes, your face shines, your eyes brightens. Your smiles has meaning, it lightens your good mood as if it is an eternal bliss.

How about those in grief for a long time? Do they still have a chance to be happy?

Living in this life was always being tried by so many barriers that blocked our chances to be happy. Trials, challenges, pains, heartaches, sorrows are only part of the many disturbing emotions that from time to time will come to us unexpected. We don't have peace of mind due to this emotional crisis. It hurts us so much. Our courage failed. This emotional problems conquered us, as if there's no life left in us.

You felt the sorrow when your career was gone, when your son died or when your wife leaved you with another man. Three cases of painful emotions testing your courage to cope with the pain. You were not thinking right, you were depressed and don't know where to go, who will you to turn to. Everything changes in you, your personality, your behavior. You have been skipping meals because your sorrow. Your stomach was full of emotional stress. Where all those happy days? Sometimes, this painful experiences make you decide by ending your life. You are not used in living alone. Being alone can remember your devastated life, your troubled thoughts, and your happiness that gone forever. It took you many years to recover from the painful tests in your life. During the time of your retreat, although your mind started to calmly rest, you ask yourself if you can still find your own happiness.

You can find your own happiness if you want to. You are the one controlling your life. It is easy to make a decision. Why prolong the pain when there's still chance to be happy? Let all those past memories to keep away in your mind and start a new life.

Find a new family to inspire you. Find them if you have the will. Find a new job to support you. Find friends to comfort you. Always have peace of mind and use all the remaining years of your life to feel happy and satisfied. Enlighten yourself by choosing what is best for you. Choosing to be happy is your best alternative. What happened before was a bad dream for you. Don't let yourself have another bad dream. Conquer it in your mind. Don't allow it to over-rule you.

Life are tests, expectations and heartaches. If your body is weak, this surprises will conquer you and your chance to be happy cannot be realized. Accept the reality. Don't bother yourself remembering your past memories and painful events that shattered you deeply. Go on and be happy. There is still happiness ahead if you only try. Get it and have it for your happiness.

CHECKLIST BEFORE MARRIAGE

Check if there are agreement between both of you about mutual respect and understanding. Ask yourself now what makes a strong marriage. Does a good marriage require to have qualities, loyalty, faithfulness and fidelity? Many marriages wanted to treat each other equal. They are not treating each other as inferior because marriage will never be successful.

If both of you have objection about strong commitment then don't pursue your desire to get married. The future of that relationship is bleak. Commitment means surrendering yourself totally to your agreement that you will share each other for better or for worse.

Have an honest talk about each of your individual responsibilities at home. If you are both working outside your home, sharing of responsibilities in household chores is one way to avoid a conflict. Know all your household chores. List them down. Go over with them. Then talk to her which one of this chores is for you and for her. Establish a better sharing. This will be your responsibility to be agreed by both of you before you walk down in the aisle.

Each one of you are expecting that when you got married you will have a child. Plan ahead especially if you are both working. Agree about the nurturing of the child. If you decided to put your child in the hands of someone, then go on. If your wife is willing to sacrifice her career and concentrate the task of caring the child is a better choice and more acceptable. The child must grow close to his parents. Doing the parenting should be done by the mother herself rather than handled by other person being hired.

Many marriage couple always fight about proper use of money. If the husband are spending too much even if it is not necessary, quarrel will occur. Saving a little and spending too much will not bring a good result. Avoid doing a poor money management. If you are saving more and spending less then the family will be happy. You will no longer have problem about money in time of your great necessity.

Before you get married it must have a blessing from your both parents. Sometimes, the parents of the girl controlled the life of their daughter or your parents for you. Try to win the heart of the father of your girlfriend. Show them that you are good enough to be their daughter's husband otherwise there will be a hindrance in your union when your parents will control both of you.

Check your potential spouse if she showed personal integrity. Is she dishonest and liar? Talk to yourself the same question. Lying behavior can causes damaging consequences in marriage.

One good chance for marital success is having a strong foundation, values and culture. Is she religious in her character and in her faith? Does your girlfriend is more mature, responsible and dedicated?

Long time intimacy is much better than a short one to give a little space to discover compatibility in your behavior knowing of your likes and dislikes. Many hidden behavior will often come out only after marriage.

If you are willing to follow this advices then you have a great chance that your marriage will be a fruitful one.

THE PROBLEM WITH GROWING-UP

In some families, there was always disagreement between parents and teenagers. It is very painful seeing a child turned into a disrespectful teenager. When parents talked about right thing, the teenager do the wrong thing. There's always the opposite. Why? Teenager don't like to be interfered with his own life. He wanted to decide what is best for him. The teenager failed to realized that he put his life into a risky position where his decision will always fail.

There was a distant relationship among them. Teenager don't believe parents are always right. What he decided was right also. He disobeys his parents because he wanted to create his own identity without interference from them: whether he is right or wrong.

Teenager has that feeling of uncertainty and doubt about himself but he used rebellion as the reason to tell his parents that he is responsible to his own life.

Some parents tolerated this kind of behavior because they don't want to lengthen their disagreement that might lead to another serious confrontation. They can't discipline their teenager who is hard-headed, rebellious and disrespectful. If they insist, teenager will resort to running away and be at the mercy of another rebellious group. It is the deepest fear of the parents to see their son totally separated from their direction and guidance. Then suddenly their beloved son became the menace of the society for delinquency.

This scene is common to some of the families today. Teenagers are doing things that is different from the expectation of their parents. Allowing dependence will result to resentment. So parents are allowing their teenage son to make his own choice. It seemed the son is testing his parent's patience by resisting any rules.

For those parents who don't have a problematic children yet, they must guide their child closely. Train them for self-respect. Set limit but with values.

CAN YOU HELP CHILD BOREDOM?

I have known a child in our place who always sickly and get tired sitting in the bench looking around just staring there, his mind wandering somewhere. He will not talk to anybody of his age. He always alone. When someone ask him, seldom he talk and just nod.

His parents were both working. The demand of their job cause inability to communicate with their child. Their older daughter was the one taking care of him. The scenario of this child is only one among the many children similar to what happened to the child I had just mentioned. His behavior has relation to the way parents raised him as a child. A child is always craving attention from their parents in the early years of his life. This is the most critical period for child development where utmost attention is needed.

The attention he seek is seldom given by his parents because they do not understand the way to deal with their child's feeling and expectation. This inattentiveness in the part of the parents can affect child's behavior developing in his mind the ill-feeling about the way they are treating him.

A child is very observant and meticulous. If his parents cannot see him, he became irritable believing that his parents did not love him. This is a very delicate behavior that parents should look and see. If parents continue to ignore child's small craving for attention it may lead to a problem later. This negative feeling will develop into a full blown misbehavior that parents can not allow.

What is lacking in this situation is communication. If parents and a child are communicative to each other, there will be harmony and better atmosphere at home where the child and his parents are talking and sharing laughter in their moment of joy and wonderful togetherness. It is not the reason for parents to make an excuse about their job. They have a lot of time to do this after work.
Child's relationship to his parents will depend on how parents are rearing their child. Good direction is involved here, to a relationship that if not handled with great care can lead to a problem later on.

During the time when parents are at home, why not let a child participate in their daily chores. Why not assign to him a certain task that he can do and become his everyday routine. This is helpful to him to develop a sense of responsibility to remove his boredom and be more productive. This will serve as his training and at the same time sharing a moment for both of them to develop a closer relationship and better understanding beneficial to the child.

WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY?

We sometimes not aware what causes our anger, how much anger we were holding inside or how to express it. We maybe angry about certain events of our own or other people's action. Any little things can build into a full blown anger if not manage well. We have to control our anger before it control us.

If you find yourself becoming increasingly irritable, you may have problem in dealing with your anger. Feeling angry is a normal human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turn destructive, it may lead to problem in your work, in your personal relationship with others and the overall quality of your life.

It is an emotional state varies from intense, mild irritation to intense rage and fury accompanied by physiological changes when the heart rate and blood pressure goes up. They may be cause from external and internal events happening in your life.

Anger can be suppress and redirect. If you are angry, hold your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The purpose is to inhibit, suppress and convert it into a more constructive behavior.

You goal is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the psychological arousal that causes anger. You can't get rid of it, or avoid to things that enrage you or to change them. Have courage and learn to control your emotions.

Those who easily angered has low tolerance for frustration and annoyance and inconvenience. They cannot take things easy. They immediately infuriated if corrected by some of their wrongdoing. Typically, people that are easily angered came from families that are disruptive, chaotic and cannot handle emotional stress. They become too irrational and very demanding by doing it their way. If their demands are not meet, their disappointment become an anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid being hurt.

Sometimes, an anger and frustration are caused by one's personal problem in life. It is the natural response to difficulties. We feel hurt or irritated when someone or something obstructs our needs and desires. Why do we have such a hard time recognizing our feelings of vulnerability and hurt when we are insulted.

How can we let our anger subside? A simple relaxation will do. Deep breathing is helpful to calm down angry feeling. Make a plan, check your progress everyday. Resolve the best of your intention and effort. In a given situation, focus on how you can handle and face the problem. In a heated discussion, slow down and think through your responses. Think about carefully what you want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take time before answering. Give yourself a break. Find time for leisure to ease the feeling of anger.