HOW TO HANDLE FAILED RELATIONSHIP

Failed relationship is one of the menaces of social structure. It has been known that there was an increase in the percentage of failed relationship in modern society. Even the known personalities of the world did not escape from the pen of media people writing the cause of their break-up. It has been the hot topic in many magazines and even sensationalized it to be noticed.

Men were the actor of most failed marriages. If there was a 3^rd party involved in a relationship, hell breaks loose. This is the starting point of repeated quarrel between husbands and wives. This is the beginning of sour relationship that mostly led to marital breakdown.

Even young adults at the first place of their relationship still threatened for a break-up if one of them done something that will breach close understanding. Most women were affected of the immoral values of men. Their children suffered from their separation. Increased juvenile delinquent children came from this level due to laxity in supervising their growth years. They became the problem of the community on how to bring the problematic children to reform their unwelcome behavior.

If it happened that you are one of those unfortunate few of having failed relationship, how do you handle them?

Your heart was so deep draining your energy to the lowest ladder. There was emptiness within you as if there is heaviness in the chest. You don’t want to talk to anybody. You wanted to be alone in your solitary room thinking the pain and discouragement that the sweetness of togetherness you felt before with your partner was replaced with hate and anger.

Your goodness was abused and disregarded your feeling. It took you a long time to be able to recover from your pain. It started to make your stronger to handle your feelings. Your experience give you time to think more deeply before looking for another relationship. It motivated you to be careful in choosing your mate. It improved yourself how to handle your feeling in case of another break-up.

In choosing your mate, have a clear vision. Consider everything you need to know about him. Bear in mind, there’s no perfect marriage if one of you has no desire to prolong the relationship, only those that has highest regard to respect and be honest. Know what you want and what to expect from him. He may be honest at first but how long? Consider all those expectation. Don’t give all your trust to him, reserve something for you. If he gives you heartache at least you are prepared for the worst. Don’t just sit on the corner defend what is right for you. 

 To feel affected miserably will only ruin you. He just laughed at you. Instead go on with your life. Show to him that you live happy without him. It may be hard at first but there’s nothing you can do instead accept the reality that you are not meant to each other. Pick-up yourself and kick-out all those frustration and you will know later that you are right in your decision of forgetting him slowly in your memory.

If you already failed twice it might not be the 3^rd. Don’t close your option to love again. Seek your happiness, who knows it may be your last.

Another way of handling your frustration is to find ways to distract you from your loneliness. Socialize and be with your friends. You may have to add another friend in your list. Work harder and finish whatever commitment is hanging. Focus your attention from your emotional burden.

If you believed you can’t handle your pain, seek counseling to some expert. It may help your mind to relax and at peace. Increase your self-confidence to be higher to make you strong from your frustration and discouragement. Improve your spiritual outlook to a better, healthy mental and emotional balance so that the emotional pressure can be minimized.

Any disturbing emotion you feel should be taken away from your heart. Avoid building negative feelings instead focus to a more constructive endeavor. Don’t allow yourself to be slave to your emotion. Find your happiness and leave all those painful memories away from you.

FLEXIBLE-TYPE OF BEHAVIOR

Is a behavior under two extremes? He can easily adjust to a situation if necessary. He was open to changes. He can fit to an environment he is not familiar. He can associate all kinds of people using the best approach to talk to them or be among them. 

He can communicate perfectly without any hesitation if it demands participation. It is almost perfect as his thought processes was wide and open.

He switched his mode of behavior depending on the kind of line he wanted to fit in. He may compassionate to others if needed. He may be strict in order to bring order in the house. He can find ways to handle a problematic individual to the point of lowering his self-esteem to win his heart.

He was ready to listen and give advice to those that seek his counsel. He was strong-willed person but not manipulative to the weaknesses of others. He was supportive to the cause of anyone if he believed it is the right thing to do. He is not secretive. He can share anyone any negative information that needs correction.  If the information is so delicate to handle, he has ways to lessen the impact of the damaging information to the victim. He expressed his sympathy to those in bereavement and joined their painful hours of mourning.

He showed the proper attitude in the presence of his superiors in the company with respect and high regards. He can get along with his subordinates easily. Being friendly was one asset he was very proud of. With good impression, he can easily win many friends and new friendship. He was not difficult to get along with because of his outstanding flexibility.

He was ready to socialize just to meet and make friends with other people. Adapting to new environment, new faces and new challenges is his strength. Building good relationship was his specialty. He can mix it with many ingredients to last that friendship.

He was good speaker. Many people will listen to him with interest and wonder. No one is perfect in everything. If he makes mistakes, he easily admitted it without any hesitation. He will not insist on hiding his wrong decision just for the sake of protecting his image. But if he did it right, he will appreciate and celebrate with honesty and truthfulness.

He was transparent in making his judgment. He will not favor those persons close to him. He will decide based on the merit of truth even if it means severing a relationship. Whatever the truth it should prevail.

He was unpredictable. No one knows what side of him he will use in different circumstances. It is hard to read his thought processes normally because he can easily shift one behavior to another. He had dark side of him. He was avenging if he is abused and insulted. He will not give you an edge to manipulate him. He was ready to face you in battle without pity and regret. He will not easily give up just for little pressure. He will defend it with his life. He may be good and bad at any given time.

He was very smart. He knew how to read people’s mind. He knew the kind of person he is dealing with. He knew what kind of personality you have once you open your mouth and talk. Your body language will give him the idea who you are. He kew what is a true impression or not. But if you talk to him honestly, he will appreciate your truthfulness. He can easily noticed you if you are lying.

There was goodness in him if you treat him good. He may be lenient at times or very combative in the other. Beware in handling a flexible man. If you can be able to get to know him deeper, you will know that he has many traits worthy to discover. You can learn a lot from him He was willing to support if you ask him because his goodness is more than the bad side of him.

EXPRESSIVE-TYPE OF BEHAVIOR

Another kind of behavior is worth knowing. He was friendly but in disguise. You can’t be sure of his true feeling to you. He was showy but it is not a guarantee of a true friendship. He doesn’t care if such friendship is known to anybody or to most people. It is not of his interest.

Whatever he did, whatever his relationship with other people, whatever success in store for him, he wanted to be known by everybody even in public. His expressive attitude put him in the limelight. He becomes the star in the crowd. He controlled the environment as if he is only a man of extra-ordinary abilities among the crowd. He valued his relationship with other people if he thinks he can use it at his advantage.

His ability to win people’s belief made him popular. He valued other people’s view as well as his faith of his ability. This aspect of his life was the result of the hidden strength it had in himself.

He becomes a crowd drawer as he started to talk, many will listen to him attentively and with interest. He put humor to his speech to remove the boredom most listeners do. There was no need for him to pretend. It was his natural way of dealing people. Laughing was the language of the heart. If you have these, it may lengthen your life. An expressive attitude has full of these. He was lively and humorous to talk to people in any given circumstances and they liked him. If he was in the presence of them, the atmosphere was more interesting and enjoyable.

He listened to other people’s mind. He was willing to give his views and opinion for the satisfaction of everybody. At the same time, he respected opinion of others he found to have of value. He was ready to fight what he think is right. He did not care if he entered into disagreement with other people. If he thinks it is the right thing to do, he will protect and defend on it.

Whatever his strengths were his weaknesses also. If he is under stress for whatever reasons he can’t function well. He easily discouraged if he us under heavy stress. He can’t perform effectively. He was not a born leader. He was born follower. He worked well under strict supervision from someone on top. 

But if there is heavy pressure in his job function, something goes wrong along the lines. There were lapses in his performance. He was easily confused in the complex details of his work. It seemed he was slow learner to absorb specific instruction given to him especially if he has no idea how to do it. But if he knew very well, it gives him comfort and more effective in performing his duties.

He had low self-esteem. It needed to drive him hard before it can flicker his interest. If his self-esteem is high, he can do the job without or with little supervision. He had lack of courage to pursue if it gives him difficulties.

He needed someone to boost his morale. That was the reason why he was effective if he work in a group rather than working alone. He was more relax and confident that if something goes wrong at least the burden is not on himself alone. The group can give their support if he needed to something he can’t handle alone. Once in a group, the atmosphere was different compared to work singly. They can talk sensibly, jokingly and laughing together. This is the moment of interaction that later on will develop into a long lasting friendship.

CAN YOU HELP CHILD BOREDOM?

I have known a child in our place who always sickly and get tired sitting in the bench looking around just staring there, his mind wandering somewhere. He will not talk to anybody of his age. He always alone. When someone ask him, seldom he talk and just nod.

His parents were both working. The demand of their job cause inability to communicate with their child. Their older daughter was the one taking care of him. The scenario of this child is only one among the many children similar to what happened to the child I had just mentioned. His behavior has relation to the way parents raised him as a child. A child is always craving attention from their parents in the early years of his life. This is the most critical period for child development where utmost attention is needed.

The attention he seek is seldom given by his parents because they do not understand the way to deal with their child's feeling and expectation. This inattentiveness in the part of the parents can affect child's behavior developing in his mind the ill-feeling about the way they are treating him.

A child is very observant and meticulous. If his parents cannot see him, he became irritable believing that his parents did not love him. This is a very delicate behavior that parents should look and see. If parents continue to ignore child's small craving for attention it may lead to a problem later. This negative feeling will develop into a full blown misbehavior that parents can not allow.

What is lacking in this situation is communication. If parents and a child are communicative to each other, there will be harmony and better atmosphere at home where the child and his parents are talking and sharing laughter in their moment of joy and wonderful togetherness. It is not the reason for parents to make an excuse about their job. They have a lot of time to do this after work.
Child's relationship to his parents will depend on how parents are rearing their child. Good direction is involved here, to a relationship that if not handled with great care can lead to a problem later on.

During the time when parents are at home, why not let a child participate in their daily chores. Why not assign to him a certain task that he can do and become his everyday routine. This is helpful to him to develop a sense of responsibility to remove his boredom and be more productive. This will serve as his training and at the same time sharing a moment for both of them to develop a closer relationship and better understanding beneficial to the child.

MY WIFE'S HOMECOMING

Separation was common to those marriage couples who don't intend to be reconciled to save their marriage. There were also couples that were separated but have the desire to go home and find a place again with her family that she abandoned. For those couples who wanted to settle their differences and be together again as a family, this tips can help them:

-Be prepared to meet your wife with positive direction prior to your reunion. Any ill-feeling in your heart should be taken out. Rehearse yourself what you have to say to your wife when she comes home. Reserve a good smile. It lightens the mood and enhance a better atmosphere.

-Any disturbing thoughts you have should be set aside. No negative questions should be ask instead a warm welcome to blend the environment.

-You should be neatly groom, the same grooming the first day you meet your wife in a park when you were so handsome in your formal attire. Try your best to be appealing to your wife.

-To greet a better atmosphere give her a sweet smile of welcome and gratitude by her coming home. Remember to bury all those differences in the past. Re-start a new life with her full of hope, full of promise. Love is wonderful the second time around. Give her a deserving smile even if you don't feel it, just smile anyway.

-Act nice. Greet her warmly. The reunion is most effective by holding hands. Rewind the time when you were both holding hands while strolling in the park remembering those beautiful moments, sharing laughter under the moon lit night. Repeat the drama. You were both actor and actress exchanging "I Love You" then suddenly everything changes and you were separated.

-Say something pleasant by saying, "Nice Meeting You Again, Honey!" It lighten the mood and feeling fresh even if there is no freshness at all.

-Have a pleasurable atmosphere. After giving time to relax, talk about reconciliation, the desire to live again and continue raising your children together.

-Do your convincing power to reach into an agreement for the sake of the children. Never take any issues in the past, it can only rekindle another bout of differences. Be cautious and reasonable. Devise a workable plan so that what happen before cannot be repeated again. Give each of you a chance for a change. Agree on something more appropriate to both of you. Strengthen your marital relationship to revitalize once again when you were a very happy family before.

Keep going. Look for the future with great promise and great hope.